I have become more and more of a fan of Thomas Merton in recent years, not so much of his philosophy or even every facet of his theology, but of his contemplations and inner life. I respect the stripped-down, gut-wrenching, self-effacing honesty that seemed to characterize his life. I admire the level of self-awareness and lack of pretention that allowed him to take such brutal stock of his life in the light of the Spirit. In truth, I long for that kind of spiritual walk. The following quote knocks me down with its authenticity every time I have read it over the course of my life, which is quite a few times:
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
–Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude
